Today's date has just been added to the list of the worst days of my life. This morning I lost my big, beautiful orange cat, Orion. He apparently had a heart attack or a stroke.

I was getting ready to get in the shower when I heard a clunk somewhere. I went to look for Orion (Gorgeous was already in the room with me) and couldn't find him upstairs. Wondering if he had knocked something over in the basement, I opened the basement door and saw him lying on his side in the floor. I rushed down to him and picked him up. He hissed a little (he was obviously frightened) but he was as limp as a rag doll. I rushed upstairs and put him in a carrier, grabbed my wallet, my phone, and my keys, and headed for the vet. I called them along the way to alert them that I was bringing him in and why, so they were ready for me. They listened to his heart and determined that it was no longer beating. The vet told me that they could attempt to resuscitate him if I wanted but that it was not usually successful in cats. I declined this, knowing that even on the off chance that they could resuscitate him, he would likely have serious impairment that would mean poor quality of life. He will be cremated and his ashes will take their place alongside those of his beloved predecessors, Jones and Blossom.

Orion had recently been diagnosed with hypertrophic cardiomyopathy, a condition in which the heart muscle thickens, causing circulatory problems and eventual death. His blood pressure was also high, which could have been either a symptom of or the cause of the cardiomyopathy. Thus, we were treating his blood pressure and hoping that the cardiomyopathy would stabilize or reverse. As of last week, we appeared to have the blood pressure under control. The next course would have been to have another echocardiogram in 3 months. Now, that will not be necessary.

I am looking for any blessings in this awful event. That he will not suffer a long decline is obviously one of them. Also, I was home when it happened. I was supposed to be on the way to southern Illinois for a Geological Survey field trip but I was running late in getting out of the house. If I had been more timely, I would not have been here for Orion to spend whatever last moments of life he had with me. I pray that his last memory is of being in my arms.

Need I even say that I am devastated? This was so une xp ected, in spite of his condition. I thought we would have a couple of years, not a couple of weeks, and I just was not prepared to lose him so abruptly. But Man proposes, God disposes, as they say, and nobody can know from one moment to the next how much time they or their loved ones have. Orion was at least 10, possibly older, as he was already an adult when I brought him home from the shelter 8 years ago. Thus, 8 years was the full tale of our time together.

Now, I have only memories. Orion could be temperamental but primarily he was very loving and affectionate, at least with humans. He and Gorgeous didn't always get along, however. He whipped her mercilessly in fights, but she was the instigator of most of them. But usually, they did get along. Now, she will be the only cat for the rest of her time, which is what I think she wanted. I wonder how she will react once it dawns on her that he's no longer here. Blossom never seemed to notice once Jones was gone...but she went from full health to terminal kidney failure in only 8 months, which could have been driven by grief.

Ironically, I got Orion because of Gorgeous. After I got her at the end of 2003, I planned on a second cat eventually but not quite so soon. However, she seemed very needy emotionally, so I got a second cat after just two months, so she wouldn't be alone while I was at work. Thus, her neediness was what presented Orion the opportunity to be adopted.

Orion had only been at the shelter a few days prior to my first sight of him. He had obviously spent some time on the mean winter streets of central Illinois, as his paw pads were cracked and hard. (Later on, they healed.) Just as obviously, he had been someone's pet, as he had been neutered and front-declawed. I will never know whether he accidentally got out and got lost from his owner, or they just threw him out. He never showed any inclination to go outside after he came home with me, so I'm guessing the latter vs. the former. It is appalling that people can treat loving, feeling creatures so callously.

I remember when I first brought him home from the shelter, late February 2004. He was quite the scaredy-cat and I kept him in the bathroom isolated from Gorgeous for a few days until they could get used to the presence of the other beyond the door. After I gave him free run of the house, for the next couple of days he spent most of his time behind the couch. Finally, he decided he was ready to be friends. I was lying on the couch watching TV. He cautiously came out from behind the couch, hopped up in front of me, laid down stretched out along me, put his head on my arm, and purred loudly.

He loved to be on my lap; if he were alive right now, this would be hard to type as I would be reaching around him to use the keyboard. He slept snuggled up against me every night. His antics involving food were legendary, and if there was a mouse around, he was the fiercest and most unstoppable of predators.

The French author Colette said, "Our perfect companions never have fewer than four feet." Now, I have lost one of my perfect companions. While my life will be the emptier and sadder for that loss in the short term, it will have been the richer and happier in the long term. And, I will always remember my beloved friend, his soothing purr, the little meows he'd make while stomping on my lap prior to settling down, and his complete contentment just to be near me.

Having suffered through the loss of furry little friends myself, I can sympathize and understand your grief. We get so attached to our pet companions that when they leave us, it really is like losing a member of your family.

I'm looking at my little Maia right now, sleeping contently on my bed, and shudder with grief at the thought of her not being there one day.

My thoughts are with you during this time of pain, and though I know it is difficult and you are no stranger to this, I hope you will feel better soon, and know that Orion has gone to a better place. Give Gorgeous all your love and her company will solace you in the coming days. She can't speak, but I'm sure she will miss Orion.

Hang in there, buddy.

I am sorry for your loss. I have lost pets as well and the emotional attachment we have with our animals rivals our fellow humans. I think about the day something happens to my Abby and I think, well I am pretty certain that I would be utterly devastated for quite a while, probably would have to take time off of work.

I do have to say, when I read that this thread title at first, my eyes read RIP Olorin, and I must admit, I panicked a little until I re-read it.

So sorry for the loss of a beloved friend. It's never easy, but time does heal the pain of loss.

Every time I walk into a room, I e xp ect to see him in it, but he will never be again. Seeing his food dish in the kitchen was a very painful reminder. I started to pick it up and toss it into the sink to be washed later and put away, but I couldn't bring myself to do it. I don't know what's worse, having these things sitting around to confront me or taking them up and having them gone. It's silly, but it feels disrespectful to go gather his things up and put them out of sight. Yet, sooner or later it must be done.

I did take his meds to the clinic and turn them in. I didn't know if they would take them back, but they said they keep donated meds for pets of people who couldn't afford them otherwise. That made me feel better, knowing that somebody's animal would benefit, as otherwise I was just going to take them to Walgreens, who ships them off to an incinerator. Tomorrow I'm going to take his food over to the shelter. He was only a few weeks into a 17 lb bag of Hills w/d, which is an e xp ensive food, so there's a lot of food there that can benefit the shelter kitties.

Somebody once coined the phrase "a cat-shaped hole in my heart" after losing their cat, and that's an apt description. I just feel like the heart has been ripped out of my life and shredded. It just hurts so bad.

People talk about the Rainbow Bridge. In fact, it's often on pet sympathy cards. It's the bridge into heaven and, according to the story, your pets are waiting there for you. When you die they meet you there and go into heaven with you.

Of course, it's just a story, a beautiful story, that someone made up to make people feel better. But if there is an afterlife, a heaven, a paradise, a better hereafter—and humans seemed to be hardwired to believe there is—then our pets must be there. If there aren't pets there, how could it be paradise?

I dont think any amount of words can make someone feel any better at times like this, but I do hope that our pets are waiting for us one day.

I also know the pain and grief of losing a four legged friend.
My heart goes out to you at this time Olorin, may the Lord bless you with peace and memories of Orion filled with joy.

Words of sympathy will never fill the void.
Just know that I truly feel for you, it is as others have said, no different than losing a family member.

Irreplaceable.

(We need a Hug smiley too!)

[quote=""BladeCollector""]

I do have to say, when I read that this thread title at first, my eyes read RIP Olorin, and I must admit, I panicked a little until I re-read it.[/quote]

I did exactly the same thing, my heart dropped when I saw it

I'm sorry for your loss Olorin, there's nothing much else I can say that hasn't already been said my friend. I wish you the best though

[quote=""Olorin""]Every time I walk into a room, I e xp ect to see him in it, but he will never be again...[/quote]

It breaks your heart...I know.

Just breaks your heart.

My greatest sympathies to you in your time of loss, Olorin. My two four legged friends are the most important things in my life. I cannot begin to imagine the pain I would have if I lost one of my boys. I know it will happen one day. I guess I really hope I go before they do. But, it's kind of one of the cruelties the universe plays on us, that our life spans are so much longer than those of our pets. I wish they could live as long as we do.

[quote=""Elvenguard13""]I did exactly the same thing, my heart dropped when I saw it

I'm sorry for your loss Olorin, there's nothing much else I can say that hasn't already been said my friend. I wish you the best though[/quote]

Me too. Sorry for your loss. Made me think about my cat Binx as well, took him to the vet yesterday due to a cold. He has very weepy eyes and they run and look as if he's crying all the time . Very sad and I'd miss him if he was gone. Enjoy your memories of him and he'll live in your heart forever.

Thanks to everyone for their kind words. Today is a little bit better than yesterday. The shock is wearing off, and now the long, slow process of coming to terms is beginning. The death of a loved one changes the shape of your life, changes who you are, and it takes time to find yourself again.

So sorry to hear this, Olorin. Reminds me of when I lost one of my cats. It really is difficult, especially since our pets are often kinder to us than our fellow human beings. I hope you're doing better today, though, so hang in there. Not much else I can say that hasn't been said, but know that we're all thinking of you.